This past Sunday I was at the library with my mother when she picked up Sonja Rhodes’s The Alpha Woman Meets Her Match and handed it to me with a hopeful smile. Surprisingly, I wasn’t offended and didn’t meet her suggestion with throws of laughter. I guess I figured this was her way of giving advice while simultaneously attempting to ensure grand children in her future. So, I checked it out and gave it a read.
Dating, always awkward, chock-full of grievances before happening upon the realization that I may actually like this person very much. With this realization comes, wait for it… wait for it… the fear of judgment the lack of gainful employment brings! It’s always there kicking around my head saying, writer, yeah right?, I hope he doesn’t ask how many hours a week I work, screw this who needs to date anyway? maybe I can find a broke writer boyfriend, he’ll accept me. For a while I let these insecurities get the best of me, casting my desire for companionship and romance aside because of my topsy-turvy work life. Eventually a thought allowing me perspective squirmed into my angsty poor writer’s brain whispering, “No one’s judging you as harshly as you’re judging yourself.” While this is true to an extent (people hate hard), I did manage to see some remnants of possibility in my dating future.