Adulting: People are people, unfortunately

People might not be wishing the worst for you, but they certainly aren’t wishing you the best either. There’s something about bettering yourself that makes people uncomfortable and angry. People have no problem assuming what I’m incapable of without giving thought to all the things I’ve already accomplished. Or if they have, it’s dismissed with little regard.

I’ve wondered why it is that people want to think of me as lesser than, less intelligent, less of everything than they are. I’ve concluded it’s a combination of insecurity, social conditioning, and a lack of desire on their part. You can say what you want about progress. In my eyes it comes in many shapes and fails to become anything more than a concept, like most things.

Sometimes I wish people would just come out and say, “I’m supposed to be better than you. I’m not Black.” This goes unsaid, but it’s clear in the way people behave and how they speak. It’s evident in the opportunities that aren’t given, in the invitations that aren’t sent, the lack of consideration to the way you feel…I could go on.

I’m not writing with an emphasis on eloquence or a desire to be politically correct. I’m writing with the intent of transparency and making my thoughts clear for anyone reading. In the past year I’ve come up against some of the worst kinds of people. Racists, misogynists, people who can’t shake their own misery who desire to suck everyone into it like an inescapable void. That’s a pathetic kind of life, isn’t it.

It’s takes more courage to be generous and happy than it does to be hateful and injurious. While I have the propensity for forgiveness, I believe forgiveness isn’t warranted on all occasions, nor is it applicable. I don’t need apologies. I need for people to stop being trash.


A Rambling on the YOLO Life

love animated GIF

So you have dreams, who doesn’t. Dreams change, they stay the same, some make it, some don’t. Some say, “Failure isn’t an option,” but life dictates another reality. There’s something to be said for those who don’t give up, but there’s also a degree of clarity for those who’ve arrived at that narrow corridor of the status quo. What’s giving up anyway? For you it might mean never having achieved New York Times best-seller status, for some it might be falling out of the routine of writing, singing, or whatever it was that moved you to pursue something greater than what was expected from you, or what you had expected of yourself.

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Budget Friendly Skin Care Finds: Face Mask Edition

If you know me well, you’ll know I’m obsessed with all things beauty and skin care related. Being one to stick to daily regiments, having a daily beauty routine does me a world of good. Though I enjoy the wondrous glow of Sephora and department store counters, I’ve found many affordable items in my local drugstores as well. I’ll be sharing more of my favorite products in posts to come, but for now I’ll start off with my must have face masks.

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Three ways to enjoy the holiday season

Benihana Christmas One party

If you’re not interested in simply gritting your teeth and pushing through the holiday season, I have some tips to help you through the duration of December with a remnant of your sanity intact.

1) Don’t leave your house

This is probably the biggest reason you’re feeling stressed. Going out shopping and seeing people purchasing expensive items, especially with cash, is sure to make the mug you picked out for your parents look like Charlie Brown’s Christmas tree. Instead of venturing out into the wild, do your shopping at home. This way you’ll be clueless as to what everyone else is buying and be able to relish in your sensible gifting finds.

2) It’s best to avoid excess caffeine

Sure, caffeine puts a little zest in your step and it might help fight off depression, but it can also heighten feelings of anxiety and leave your body dehydrated. The last thing you’ll want to have happen, while shopping in an overcrowded and over-heated store, is to have a panic attack while feeling like a sock is stuck in your throat. Bring some water, lose the coffee, and hope for the best.

3) Set a spending limit with friends and family

Money is a huge issue this time a year. Most people feel like they don’t have enough of it. The best way to counter the inadequacy blues is to set a spending limit on gifts. This way no one has to feel guilty and everyone can better enjoy the company around them without fear of being judged for the amount they spent on a gift. With the money you save on gifts, why not donate a percentage to charity.

This year make spending time with the ones you love a priority!

What I Think About at Work

If anyone ever tells you, “I’m completely devoted mind, body, and soul to my job while I’m at work,” this person is likely the biggest, fattest liar you know. Why? People daydream while they’re driving, while they’re having family interventions, during sex, the moment one realizes someone is staring at them in an extremely close and uncomfortable manner. We all daydream. My job is typically, almost always, quiet and most time the only way around it is to talk to my co-worker, raise some hell, or think up pleasant or horrifying scenarios in my head; my favorite on being finding a huge stash of money while I’m walking my dog, in all honesty it’s my most replayed fantasy.

Since working in a beige box doesn’t provide much of a jumping point for creative stimulation, I have reliable sources of mental inspiration. Here are some thoughts that help get me through the day.

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Social Media, Get Away, Please


Social media spells tragedy for some and fame for others. Social media wreaks of opportunity, yet leads to the subtle unravelling of social awareness and relationships… potentially. I hear from many people how much they love Facebook as it brings them closer to their friends and family, while allowing people from their pasts back into their lives and not always for the better. If you really take a second, how connected are you really?

At this point in time I recognize the bulk of my friends as tiny avatars floating the screens of both my laptop and cell phone, I know the wee bits of their lives through stylized photos on Instagram, what tidbits they scatter on Twitter, and of course by the carefully selected narratives displayed on Facebook.

The times I’m off Social Media completely, are the times I realize I have nothing useful to say to such an audience of people. I don’t know how much the quality of my breakfast means to anyone, or why it should. If something worthwhile has happened I figure, it won’t get too many likes anyway and my fingers back away from the keyboard and onto something more pressing, like a novel that I need to finish.

Is this the sum of my life, tweetable, likable material for everyone to gawk at?

Ugh, the grind of seeming like you’ve gotten your shit together. What’s the big deal about having everything figure out? How did the picture of perfection come to be a series of perfected candids and hashtags? I too have succumbed to this seduction! I used to make sure to update my profile pictures, I’d pick out just the right bands and shows so everyone would see how unlame I was. Meanwhile, I was still listening to
S Club 7, loving every minute of it.

I envy people who have jumped the social media cruise ship. While there are pluses and bonuses to everything, social media included, I resent that it’s become such a pervasive part of my life. For work I use it, at work I’m forever explaining to people how to use it, and I hear elderly people rag on my generation for using it. “These young people don’t know how to have a good time without some thingamajig in their faces.” Just leave me be, leave me be.

I miss the days of simplicity. Myspace in all of it’s customization embracing chillness. I used to scout sites for new backgrounds, make playlists, and bask at my efforts. Maybe the difference is age, maybe the difference is we mistake distance for connection. The day I’m able to reach through a computer screen to hug someone, well, that’ll be real progress.

Procrastination’s Three Faces


burgerThis has been the kind of week where little makes sense and everything was too complicated. Now, I could look at the big picture and tell myself, “You’re going to make out alright,” but I won’t. Instead I’ll focus on the small frame in front of me and stare at it. I often set weekly goals for myself and alas, few were met thanks to my old pal procrastination. Many a day has passed with a pen in my hand, quivering mad with anxiety and the fear of failure. Failing at what? I’m not totally sure, but the feeling is real and to get over this  I’ve found myself interested in the most peculiar things. Here’s a few of them.

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Self-help Books Instead of Self-destruction, Please


This past Sunday I was at the library with my mother when she picked up Sonja Rhodes’s The Alpha Woman Meets Her Match and handed it to me with a hopeful smile. Surprisingly, I wasn’t offended and didn’t meet her suggestion with throws of laughter. I guess I figured this was her way of giving advice while simultaneously attempting to ensure grand children in her future. So, I checked it out and gave it a read.

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Remembering 9/11


I’d like today’s post to bring reflection on a tragic day in our Nation’s history. Today, on September 11, 2014, we remember those who have passed and those fearless men and women who gave their lives saving others. Today we honor them, keeping their families and loved ones still struggling with their losses, in our hearts and minds. Today we mourn, but we also celebrate our country’s resilience and strength, our ability to pull together through difficult days leading us into a stronger future. I wish my fellow Americans peace in their grieving and all the best for their families in the future.

My Brush With Gone Girl


This post does not contain spoilers.

It’s been awhile since I’ve read a book which so enthralled I could just zip through page after page and have hours pass between them. When I find novels that provide  inviting voices, bold plots, and characters, I latch onto the author and read through their resume of work. Most recently I’ve found this in Gillian Flynn’s Gone Girl. I had seen her books on the shelves of my local library, I’ve seen plenty of people pick it up and check it out, and finally something in me decided to give it a go and I’m glad I did.

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