The Parameters of Lending a Book


Dear Borrower,

I’m lending you this book as an investment for our future. It means that I think we’ll see each other soon. It could also mean that my purse is full and I just finished this book and that we’re actually near The Strand of all places, and I could restock and have a lighter load than expected.

It could also mean I like you.

I might also just want to fan-out and talk about this book.

Or maybe I hated it and I need to make sure that it’s not just that I’m an incompetent boob of great literature and need you to reaffirm my beliefs.

It might possibly mean this book means a lot to me and that I think you understand me enough to read it too.

But give it back.

As I gave it to you.

No creases.

No pasta marks.

No mud on the pages.

No dog eared corners.

Give it back in the same condition or we’re through.

Just kidding.

But seriously, if you don’t give me the book back at all or if for some reason we never see each other ever again and you take the book to the outer limits of Middle Earth — because I will do my damnest to find you and get my book back — I will wish on every wishing star I come across from then on, that you will receive a most tortuous death.

My book in your sight line.

And you’ll know why.

Author’s Note: I still have Devin’s book. I will give it back to her eventually.


2 thoughts on “The Parameters of Lending a Book

  1. I need to print this out and give it to friends who borrow my books. Always a nerve-wracking situation for me as I wonder what condition it will come back in, if it comes back at all.

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