Now that the riff-raff loser look is posh, there’s no need to fake it till you make it. Closeted shame over your thrifted, uncool wardrobe need not knock on your psyche anymore. Poor Writers everywhere have been saved by Normcore. Gone are the days when one’s mocked for sporting funky fanny packs and New Balances, Fresh Prince inspired geometric prints, or saddlebag inducing denim. This is the age of self-expression’s inability to express anything. Now that much of popular culture has been reduced to a fabrication of the 1980s, what’s left besides hipsters hijacking J Crew for a more neon, bearded storefront. If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em. Here are some pieces you should be sure to rock this spring.
The Mom and Dad Jean
Dead sexy. Who wouldn’t want to wear crotch-tight pants that create a lovely muffin top emphasizing a belt or tucked in collared shirt? The mom jean screams, ” I’m a sassy lady.” Thanks to hip brands like American Apparel, we can all indulge in overpriced, unflattering clothing. If you want to add some pep to your jeans, try pairing them with a bright polo, or be a rebel with a statement t-shirt. If you’re feeling fancy, wear a bedazzled scrunchy on your wrist. To add a little glamour to your look, try a high waisted pair. They give a great sag to the butt giving it a more rounded look.
The Nurse Shoe
Who needs Hot Topic when you can get a pair of nurse shoes to be edgy. The nurse shoe is as versatile as an eggplant mohair suit. Not only does this shoe pair well with mom jeans, but baggy ones as well. No one will be paying attention to you exposed underwear or butt crack when you’re wearing these. They’re a true beauty giving a little height and some definition to the calves as well. Win win.
The Shapeless Sweater
If you want to stir up some intrigue, wear the shapeless sweater. This piece gives the body with a rectangular silhouette shielding the figure from lustful eyes while leaving a little something up to the imagination. Versatility is easy when you go with one as they range in fabrics and patterns, lengths, button ups or pullovers. My favorite is the textured pullover as shown above.
You can consider this the precursor to the modern-day legging. The Stirrup Pant gives the leg an amorphous shape around the thigh, tapering down slightly at the ankle, and reaches around the foot to give you an equestrian feel. Of course you can go tighter if you’re feeling sexy and want to show off your toned legs. Stirrups pair well with denim jackets, tucked in shirts, and of course, sweaters.
It’s a bold new age for fashion and poor writers everywhere. Dig into your parents closets and get to work on that spring/summer wardrobe.