My name is Georgette. I never heard if you were looking for a possible back-up dancer, but I figured that I should show my initiative and offer my services.
You might wonder as to why I am writing to you as my resume lacks certain dancing experience, but that’s why I am a perfect candidate, Beyoncé. Think of me as freshly fallen snow just waiting for you to mold into the perfect snowman with kick-ass gyrations and that flippy wrist thing you guys do when you perform Single Ladies. I practice that on my own while I Swiffer the apartment. I think I’m quite good, but I know that under your tutelage, I could be great.
I also have a college degree, so you know that I am physically and mentally able to handle the hard hours of tour life. This also means that I bring a plethora of random trivia with me that I can produce at any moment to amuse you, Jay-Z, and the tour bus driver. If we happen to pull into a pub for dinner and there’s trivia going on, you’re in luck! We probably won’t win—I’m actually awful at trivia—but think of all our possible fun as we eat our blooming onion and throw back a couple of beers.
I would bring enthusiasm and a refreshing candidness to your stage show, mainly because I am new at performing on stage and will (likely) make a misstep. That sounds like a negative, but think of how personal it makes your message look . . .
“Is that back-up dancer clutching her side and panting while everyone continues to dance?” one concert goer will say as she replays it on her iPhone.
“Oh wow. How personal this makes Beyoncé’s stage show appear! She’s really nice to give that girl a chance,” her friend will reply.
That’s really all I need. A chance. A chance, Beyoncé. Because wasn’t that what you wanted when you and the original three other ladies of Destiny’s Child tried out in that home video I saw on E! when they covered you on a celebrity success story?
I want to be a success story, Beyoncé.
And I think you should be a part of it.
I look forward to hearing from you.