I know you should be making sweeping, moralistic resolutions of the eat right, exercise, love my neighbor love my self variety, but reality check, the new year is tomorrow. Do you really want to do all that stuff tomorrow? If yes, stop reading this blog and go into the world, do things and make things and spin around in circles because you are a go-getter. If, like me, it’s 10am and you’re still in bed and wondering what’s on TV, read on, my friend.
1. Stop staring at people who actually come out of Anthropology with shopping bags. We will get there one day, I believe in us. But until then, keep that awed stare in check.
2. Make coffee at home. It’s not that much better at the shop two blocks away, and if you start multiplying two dollars a bunch of times it will get hellish.
3. Learn how to make good coffee. Really. Why is it always better at that shop two blocks away?
4. Stop tweeting about how hungry you are. I know it’s tempting, and it feels like the most important thing in the world when you are waiting to get out of work and you’re just STARVING or SO HUNGRY I MIGHT DIE, but, as our mothers would remind us, we’re not, really, so shut up.
5. Wear more hats. Haven’t you always wanted to do this? Not necessity-driven winter ones, but cute flapper ones or big sun ones. Let’s be hat people this year.
6. Read some books you like. Bad books are the worst but good books are awesome and sometimes I think they’re being forgotten about. I want to read that new one by Junot Diaz, but take your pick, just read something nice or evil or heartbreaking or funny, you get the point.
7. Watch some good TV. Now you have to do it because it’s a resolution! Here’s a resolution you can definitely keep, and I definitely will in like ten minutes when I’m done writing this. Try to make it good TV, though, something well written and well acted that you can analyze for hours.
8. Watch some bad T.V. Because now I’m thinking about how sometimes you have to just tear something apart, really go at it, and, as they always say, better it’s Toddlers and Tiaras than a human being.
9. Go on a road trip. If funds are in order and such, and a car can be found (ha. found, like as if you could find a car in the pile of shoes in your closet). Also, this one is always on those lists of “things to do in your twenties” and “reasons not to get married” and all those carefree young person didactic type lists, so I thought I’d hop on the bandwagon. (NOTE: this one you don’t have to do tomorrow.)
10. Write something bad. (Preferably using above pen.)You can write something good but you should definitely, definitely write something bad. That you wouldn’t want published even in a pen name even after you’ve been dead a million years. Because it’s fun.